` SIMPLICITY <33 ________

STORIE =]

Friday, March 25, 2005

Its seems to me, there's nobody whom i can really turn towards to, even when i am just looking for someone whose willing to be a listener... I'm really lost in terms of faith and comfort of whom to approach to speak up my mind, when now i am really in need of just someone whose really listening.. I've never in my life need so much help, so much so that i'm really lossing all my sleeping, my confident level and all those pride whom i used to posses...

Not even when its someone as close as your family members.. cause somehow they are also part of the issue and even frenzs whom i've once or more then once listen to, kept them company or even try my best to console them.. were able to provide me any helping hands.. Even when some had so call promise to lend me their ears whenever i need them, were not there.. really not there.. i just cant seems to sense anyone whom i'm able to open up.. There seems to be an invisible gap, its seems to be getting larger and larger.. seperating all people from me... I dont know what's that but i know.. i'm beginning to opt for keeping distance with people...

I've always believe in giving all out to frenzs or ppl whom i've known and i strongly believes that if ur giving 100% then when the times comes, they will be there for you.. giving u as much support as they can affort.. and this also apply to our love ones... and i've choose to keep my trust and faith with in terms of hardwork and endless effort, will somehow creat miricale or even touches ppl.. For countless of time, this believes had fail me, knocking me down many many times.. and somehow or rather.. i come out with a zhi wo an wei method "what does not break u makes u stronger and once of this days.. ppl will accpect or appreciate ur effort"

Really low in mood for the past fews days or weeks, blewing off my temper towards lots of ppl and even my superior.. which really stun them off.. Wish to get out of my current situation but if i'm really gonna stick with my plan.. afew ppl might most likely be hurt or maybe they cant even be bother with me... I've been thinking, so what if i've been working really hard with my career, so what i've achieve the highest credit for my current position, so what i've got the max and so what if i've got more and more ppl coming to me for a pair of listening ears... I really my goals which i've set but it just dont seems to be easing off those "fan nao", i've care and pay too much attention for them, but had ever anyone gave a thought to me.. nopez. not really ba.. at least not at home... cause i am always the one picking up all those shits.. i'm the one, who choose to be nice with ppl, but somehow afew of them got red eyed because of my performance and popularity with the higher authority and started with all those back stabbing and nearly always landed me being charged.. haiz.. How would u feel when u know, ur health is need alot more attention then u've thought.. would u gambler for something which the results seems to be an unknown even when the doc had told u so.. Even when ur career advance will be in stake.. and ur family will be effected.. I've tok with them, but they just dont seems to be concern at all.. just answering with "oh.. izzi.. so serious arh" thats all.. thats it.. nothing more, nothing less..

Went over to the chalet, cause i've promise to be there... dont really feel comfortable but still manage to joke and chat around.. On my way home, i've wished to chat and just voice it out my frustration casue somehow i knew i need to.. but i've somehow kept silent, cause i really dont wish to be a nuisance to her, cause i know even she's also having lots of stress liao.. so i really dont wish to give any addition problem, casue i've felt thats she's someone whom really thought about issue related to her frenzs... or maybe i am wrong or i really donno. Felt really odd donno why.. maybe becasue of the complete silentness and the way we're trying to break the ice ba... I've been living in silence for the past few days.. not talking much to anyone unless neccassary.. but this evening, i spoken the most.. Once, the train reaches tamp, i've just alight as told and took a long stroll home.. letting those thoughts running throught my mind.. i've once fail again to find someone to chat with this time round.. hmmmmm........ arghhhhh!!!!!

So this place had once again been my place of venting anger... i donno if anyone gonna read or whatever f**k, i dont give a freaking damn.. all i want is to talk... i wanna get out of this cage out of this imprisonment out of all this shits... i think i am suffocating.. Its time for me to let all out others burden or maybe i really need a break.. but i just cant mange to apply any leave when i've got tonnes of them to be used.. HELP HELP HELP!!!

Old man is drowning... =(

simplicityrulez* @ 11:12 PM

Monday, March 21, 2005

Whoa.. just did a character analysis.. I just love doing them.. thks to the person who sell me this... I've also being coming up with my own .. but still haven finished yet.. this is what i've got for the test result :

" You have a veru strong will, not dependent on others and give an impression of being a lone-ranger. You are extremely curious and sensual, living a clear-headed, modern life. At first glance, you place youself on a pedestal, and are difficult to get along. But once others talk to u, they know you're easy going. And when the relationship develops, they realise you are affable. You have an androgynous charm, which make u popular with all genders. But you don't like your weak side to be seen. You might look cool on the surface, but beneath it all, you are really passionate. Only people who know your true self can maintain a long-lasting relationship with you. "

Whatever had mention above is beri beri truth.. hehehe.. the person who make this shall either be someone whose the same as me or he/she had really done alot of homework before coming out with this test..

simplicityrulez* @ 11:04 PM

Monday, March 14, 2005

Part of my principal towards work was never ever, abuse my seniority or power.. No matter whose the one, whom wanted any help from me, i would really try to help it out, but somehow might nag abit here and there.. bo bian old man ma.. Had always place most in thoughts and overviewing the whole possible outcome of every situation taking place.. Biting the bullet, bearing with the pain, i've still continue to carry out my duties for the sake of reducing their workload.. but had i been appreciated.. NOPEZ..

Today, all i ask was someone who was in the standby activation sequence for tml to be activated for my upcoming duties.. for the sake of my health.. all he could do was to complain... had he forgotten how he had activated me, just 1 hald an hour before the actual commencing of duties.. just because he had his "RIGHT THUMB BLUE BLACK AND ABIT SWOLLEN NIA" . Even thought i understand he had just done one of them this sunday, but all of us had done it for more then once man.. more then once... I'm someone who can really bear with pain lor, if its not that bad or unbearable, do u think i'm gonna do this meh.. MEI REN QING WEI

I've finally understand the importance of health.. all thks to fang fang principal "health always comes first".. i've always choose to ignore but somehow after the steamboat makan session... i'm really impress with her for this... YOU HAVE MY SALUTE

So this time round, i am just gonna bite the bullet one last time, gonna get my excuse for duties tml mrn, then if really none of them is going to help then either i'm gonna do it myself or bo bian sell it.. Do i deserve this?? NOPEZ... I'M GONNA STAND MY GROUND THIS TIME.. ONCE I"VE MAKE UP MY MIND, NOTHING GONNA CHANGE IT EASILY... I"ve always been giving others, the impression of me being someone who dont have my own opinion (mei zhu jian), always anything anything shui bian shui bian de.. I do have alot, but do they know why i dont wanna voice it out bo... Not because i'm scared or whatever reason u can thought of.. its because i've this bad habit of being afraid of forcing someone to follow my choices if they really dont wanna opt for it.. or worse some will either complain of it or being too choosey.. plus i'm someone who is quiet short temper... cant really stand someone nagging at me.. so there's a high possiblities of me erupting lor.. I've only told or explain to afew better frenzs of mine, but some just choose not to believe or just keep on insisting that i'm just finding excuse for myself nia.. This really BOIL me up hahaha.. cause i hate to be misunderstood.. but up till now.. I've seldom, almost never or never loss my temper to ppl whom i care and love ba... hahahaha... I'm always too soft hearted to them liao.. hehehehe

simplicityrulez* @ 11:16 PM

Hmm.. there's really nothing much to be impress of this year.. even thought it seems to slightly cheaper then what's the normal cost now.. but still i'm able to get a better price for digital camera as compare to the fair itself.. so nothing really impress me.. All i've manage to grab was 2 Zen micro both white a 4GH and 5GH player and that earns me 7 chance of lucky spin and a free creative membership.. hehehe... Prices won from the lucky spin were

2 haversack
2 headphone
2 umbrella
1 water bottle

nothing special but still at least i manage to get something for all those 7 spins.. whereas some of them cant even get anything.. yeah!!!

Still need to figure out, the function of my little cutie zen.. hahaha..

simplicityrulez* @ 12:26 AM

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Kind of really freak out abit when i've heard that someone whom i've all along care for whole heartedly and giving all my support even when there was a needed or there wasn't... Felt that i've always been looking down on her or ever had the thought before. At the point of time, all i could heard was the piercing sound of an arrow... caming in right throught.. then "PAAAA" bulleyes.. next the shattering sound of my heart... Don't think there's any words good enough to describe how i've felt at that split second..

At that moment, i'm only able to feel my heart was bleeding in pain and agitation.. I've really wanted to raise my voice, for being accused and an explanation of why such thoughts had been developed. Manage to keep my cool and decided to switch my way of approach.. cause i dont wish to make things difficult. After giving lots or afew explanation, it's still seems ineffective.. *pain pain pain* what can i said.. nothing much when someone just simply choose not to believe but i'm going to work harder... just bite it and work harder... Anyway.. think beibei old man.. shall have poor memories ba..

simplicityrulez* @ 12:26 AM

Saturday, March 12, 2005

This word "men" forms partly the word of "women", so this somehow show me thats there's also another side of men who are really emotional.. but just that they cant really express themself in words or rather trying to act tough by covering their truth emotion and thoughts.. Women were always the stronger one when it comes to emotion, better in the sense of better way of expressing themself... but the world keep moving... some had already loss this god given natural abilities..

Men had ever since from history are creature who are stronger in physically but when its come to mental and emotional there are always or somehow the weaker one.. due to the lack of courage to really open up and express themself.. some of them went bought up in a way of crying was a shown of "Tiu lian" or weakling but this are not really truth.. some are always covering up their truth emtion, casue maybe their either being afraid of being known their truth ident or let make it abit nicer- dont want others to worry bout them ba..

For eg: A middle age men, father of 2.. son and daughter.. when his kids were younger... they were just like soldiers.. obeying any given command.. but as time goes on.. the kid will grow and start to have their way of thoughts and as a result, commands were no longer effective... At first, the women of the house will be the one who start worrying, getting too upset, this is the time when lots of encouragement and thoughts of accepting the fact that her child had evolve into a new stage of life were needed.. but in the end.. she will eventually recover and start to expect the fact that her kid had grow up and decision will be make by themself... "able to protect and make sensible choice by protecting herself".. thats the promise which the daugther had assure them... but as for the men of the house... at first... they might appear.. heckcare la.. or simply "BO CHAP" but deep down... they went really worrying like hell.. but just becasue "Mian ZI" lor.. haiz.. idiot... Then ear pierecing and heart shattering words will be used on the so call "problmatic kid to him la", why were this words being used?? Simple: they are loss with words and sense of thought.. cause they had no idea which way of handling will be nice or simply effective.. as a result the thought of harsh punishment were implanted.. cause "harsh punishment" had always been effective when they were much younger.. this was always the misconception whom most parents had.. This will be the time when a third party was required... only someone who are still having their cool and able to see the entire situation... u can start out with qns... Qns which are direct and striking.. qns with explanation of why their having this type of reaction.. try analysing their thought for them.. or best of all.. apply those harsh words which they had used on their kid onto them... let them know how it feel but place it in a way of mixture of explanation and direct harsh hit on the target..
If u've got the first step right.. then their reaction will be first denying whatever u have said, then kept quiet or paiseh.. then trying to accuse you of being such a power pack speaker whom they simply cant out talk.. Just play with fire and catch those little reaction or gesture... and u will be able to get some hints

Hmm... too lazy to write liao ... sianz.. wanna slp le..

simplicityrulez* @ 10:04 AM

Friday, March 11, 2005

That's what i'm exactly feeling now.... When someone had requested for a task. job or favour from me.. i would normally be glad to help and lots of effort will be place into it.. but somehow when the effort were never really appreciated.. this really brings down the morale and dampen my spirit.. No matter how busy or tired i'm, ideas, venues or whatever things involved or backup plans were always been in mind... What i am asking was not rewards, words of thanks or assureness... what i want was the effort being appreciated.. Maybe i just too kepo... but somehow or rather.. i am just trying to bring people closer.. and also organising events for those who might had requested me to do so.. Don't really felt comfortable or anger but only sense of dejection and failure when response went lurkwarm.. Really dont know how to express myself in words now.. it's not the first time i am feeling this way.. somehow the burden i am carrying is getting heavier.. donno how long can i really hold onto it.. but think it might just go burst.. not only i'm carrying my own, as well as ppls or family or whoever, who just might had approached me.. Willing to lend a hand was always my priorty but nowadays.. i'm really looking for someplace or someone whom i can really confront to.. talk to.. share my views or even happiness and boredom.. Why had people alway ask to set a time limit for whatever issue i'm persuiting, or just simply give up completely and stop everything whenever there's a feeling of effort being unappreciated.. I've always told myself not to do so.. cause maybe just one of these days.. effort would be reconginse but somehow these believe had been shaken for the past few days of torment and continous erection of temper... Too tired to comments anymore further.. cause words are no longer able to express how i am feeling now..

I JUST WISH FOR A RESTING POINT, A POINT FOR ME TO CONFRONT OR REST ON.. ONCE IN AWHILE.. THEN IN RETURN, I WOULD PROVIDE LIFETIME GUARDIAN AT WHATEVER COST.. REALLY DAMPEN TO THE CORE..

simplicityrulez* @ 11:05 PM

Saturday, March 05, 2005

For the past one week plus, I've been traveling to different places and encountering different situation. The purpose was to recultivate my thoughts and believe and the way of understanding.. Somehow or rather i've lost them so easily away to certain depressing issue and the lost of faith.. So i've choosen to re-evaluate myself before i'm able to continue on further by aiding my surrounding ppls.. As result, stepping out of ur current situation and viewing them in a third party view was choosen again..

I've been traveling around, observing complete stranger on the streets, not for their action or movement but their facial expression and little movements.. Come across afew great pieces of painting as well, it might not seems to be a master piece to others, but somehow it had given me feeling and thoughts of the painter or certain issue him/her was trying to express.. It might seems strange for what i'm going to say but i strongly believe that only someone who was consider either the "relative" or "love one" of those drawing was only able to feel it and i might be consider its relative ba..

Happen to know a lady anutie while I've was reading in the train, cant really remember where she's from but confirm not a "XIN GA PO LAN". At first really wanna ignore her casue "MY LIN GAN JUST KEPT KNOCKING ON MY DOOR FO THOUGHTS" but bo bian LL sux thumb.. We've got really chatty and started to exchange view and thoughts. I've manage to share with her a few of my essay which i'm currently writing and as for her, topics on "third world country and povety". A few passengers seems really keen while others completely BO CHAP..

Totally refresh mentally but not physically lor.. those pain and sleepyness was really bothering me lor.. but at least i've got myself afew new essay and believe.. hmm.. not really new but some re-evalutaion.. In the end, i am back as who i'm. I'm really keen to get into ppl life learning their problem, there's this frenz of mine, having stress and time alocation problems.. this had been keeping her from being Kai lan liao.. hmm... really wana get it done before i'm gonna saw any further possible mental or physical damages being done..

For the upcoming days.. i'm gonna start typing out my essay in webbie, really hope to share with others and also to touch on issue whom i've known ppl surrounding me had been facing.. This is what i've written few days ago.. something simple and everyone in this world shall know.. just that they choosen not to believe it..

If there is a direction for feeling, then happiness is definatily outward and saddness gonna be inward. Why outward for happiness? Coze when ur in high mode, ur gonna had a better view of picture, situation awareness and ur also able to view "further". Why inward for saddness? Coze whenever ur down and depress the only things u gonna see was urself. No longer the people surrounding u, not even their care and concern, their words cant even reaches in and u will be retreating urself inward.

Best things today, was my beloved Bin Mei Mei actually send us GUO DONG ye.. Its GUO DONG u noe!! Eh.. but i cant tell what it is for the fruit, donno izzi lachees or longan.. haha.. Dont pray pray hor.. its BIN MEI MEI do one hor.. So sweet of her to send us and really "Gan Dong" to be able to have a share of her 144 Guo dong. This mei mei not fake one lor.. but sometimes she's really a pain in the a** lor.. hohoho.... Who dare to complain not nice, i'm gonna make sure, they will be forcing them to chose between "DA BIAN" or her abit tasteless GUO DONG but with lots of warmth and soul in it lor.. hohoho (-_-;) Not bad right.. ur this kor kor here willing to do this.. yeah!!

Lastly once i've post my writing in webbie and got great feedback liao then i will let u guys know ba.. or i might also post it here.. yeah!!

simplicityrulez* @ 8:40 PM