STORIE =]
Friday, March 25, 2005
Its seems to me, there's nobody whom i can really turn towards to, even when i am just looking for someone whose willing to be a listener... I'm really lost in terms of faith and comfort of whom to approach to speak up my mind, when now i am really in need of just someone whose really listening.. I've never in my life need so much help, so much so that i'm really lossing all my sleeping, my confident level and all those pride whom i used to posses...
Not even when its someone as close as your family members.. cause somehow they are also part of the issue and even frenzs whom i've once or more then once listen to, kept them company or even try my best to console them.. were able to provide me any helping hands.. Even when some had so call promise to lend me their ears whenever i need them, were not there.. really not there.. i just cant seems to sense anyone whom i'm able to open up.. There seems to be an invisible gap, its seems to be getting larger and larger.. seperating all people from me... I dont know what's that but i know.. i'm beginning to opt for keeping distance with people...
I've always believe in giving all out to frenzs or ppl whom i've known and i strongly believes that if ur giving 100% then when the times comes, they will be there for you.. giving u as much support as they can affort.. and this also apply to our love ones... and i've choose to keep my trust and faith with in terms of hardwork and endless effort, will somehow creat miricale or even touches ppl.. For countless of time, this believes had fail me, knocking me down many many times.. and somehow or rather.. i come out with a zhi wo an wei method "what does not break u makes u stronger and once of this days.. ppl will accpect or appreciate ur effort"
Really low in mood for the past fews days or weeks, blewing off my temper towards lots of ppl and even my superior.. which really stun them off.. Wish to get out of my current situation but if i'm really gonna stick with my plan.. afew ppl might most likely be hurt or maybe they cant even be bother with me... I've been thinking, so what if i've been working really hard with my career, so what i've achieve the highest credit for my current position, so what i've got the max and so what if i've got more and more ppl coming to me for a pair of listening ears... I really my goals which i've set but it just dont seems to be easing off those "fan nao", i've care and pay too much attention for them, but had ever anyone gave a thought to me.. nopez. not really ba.. at least not at home... cause i am always the one picking up all those shits.. i'm the one, who choose to be nice with ppl, but somehow afew of them got red eyed because of my performance and popularity with the higher authority and started with all those back stabbing and nearly always landed me being charged.. haiz.. How would u feel when u know, ur health is need alot more attention then u've thought.. would u gambler for something which the results seems to be an unknown even when the doc had told u so.. Even when ur career advance will be in stake.. and ur family will be effected.. I've tok with them, but they just dont seems to be concern at all.. just answering with "oh.. izzi.. so serious arh" thats all.. thats it.. nothing more, nothing less..
Went over to the chalet, cause i've promise to be there... dont really feel comfortable but still manage to joke and chat around.. On my way home, i've wished to chat and just voice it out my frustration casue somehow i knew i need to.. but i've somehow kept silent, cause i really dont wish to be a nuisance to her, cause i know even she's also having lots of stress liao.. so i really dont wish to give any addition problem, casue i've felt thats she's someone whom really thought about issue related to her frenzs... or maybe i am wrong or i really donno. Felt really odd donno why.. maybe becasue of the complete silentness and the way we're trying to break the ice ba... I've been living in silence for the past few days.. not talking much to anyone unless neccassary.. but this evening, i spoken the most.. Once, the train reaches tamp, i've just alight as told and took a long stroll home.. letting those thoughts running throught my mind.. i've once fail again to find someone to chat with this time round.. hmmmmm........ arghhhhh!!!!!
So this place had once again been my place of venting anger... i donno if anyone gonna read or whatever f**k, i dont give a freaking damn.. all i want is to talk... i wanna get out of this cage out of this imprisonment out of all this shits... i think i am suffocating.. Its time for me to let all out others burden or maybe i really need a break.. but i just cant mange to apply any leave when i've got tonnes of them to be used.. HELP HELP HELP!!!
Old man is drowning... =(
simplicityrulez* @
11:12 PM
